Becoming Something

WTHeck is up with the stuff on my bathroom counter?

So, Jude and I were brushing our teeth the other night when he said in this I-just-had-a-casual-musing sort of voice,  "You know, some of these things just don't seem like they belong."

I glance down and this is what I see:

 

“Why is there a paint brush here?” he asks, bemused.

“Uh…,” I answer.

The answer is because I’m lazy.  And tired much of the time.  And distracted.  That paint brush doesn’t even work anymore.  I thought I washed it out well enough but it’s stiff with paint.

Here’s a breakdown:

A – The paint brush I used to cut in when painting Josie’s new room.  (Photos to come some day.)

B – A Polly Pocket doll that Lulu dropped into the can of paint.  Thank you for that.

C – A glass goldfish or something magnet that should be on the fridge. I have no idea why it’s on this counter.

D – You can’t really tell but that is a roll of dimes.  ??  It’s the allowance money. Dimes are easy to split into: Tithing, Savings, Invest, Spending.  WHY it’s on the bathroom counter I have no idea.

E – Money I dumped out from Lulu’s back pocket.  She has more cash than me.  (That gold coin is our pretty Canadian “loonie” or one dollar coin.  For you Americans who don’t get out much.)

F – A plastic Jasmine (part of the Disney mind melt conspiracy), a plastic Barbie shoe, and a plastic animal of some sort, all dumped from her back pocket.  That must have been one uncomfortable 3-year old heiny.

G – A rechargeable-by-shaking flashlight.  I can’t even to venture to guess why it’s there.

H- A coupons magnet stuck to the flashlight. It should be on the fridge.  People, WHY isn’t it on the fridge??

I – My engagement and wedding rings, removed because I’m getting little blisters underneath.  I tell Jude that my finger is rejecting our marriage.  It’s like having a crystal ball between my pinkie and middle finger.  It must mean I’m not getting enough foot massages and breakfast in bed.  Once a week is not enough, Jude!

J – A pink crystal glass knob I bought for Lulu and Daisy’s closet door that doesn’t fit.  Logically, I’d store it here indefinitely.

K – A drawing by a child. I don’t even know who.  Does it matter?  You and I both know I’m going to throw it away.  I’m just not that sentimental.

L - A dumb headband that looks dumb that I don’t even wear. I don’t use all those bobby pins either.  ?

M – All hail the mighty Zoloft that has kept me alive.  And aren’t you glad?

N – Lulu’s toothbrush.  Cute, huh?

So, I don’t really know why I showed that to you.  I just thought it was a funny collection of stuff but really, I’m too tired to make anything really comedic out of it.  Usually this counter is free of almost everything but the marble cup and container and a soap dish.

Daily Gratitudes

1. Caffeine.  It’s the only thing that kept me awake today, even after 13 hours of sleep.  I was crying this morning I was so tired.  I may have mono.  Or cancer.  I’ll probably be dead by Friday.
2. JQ for bringing a Christmas ornament by a couple of days ago.  The only thing better than collecting ornaments just because they’re pretty is collecting them from people you love.  I like to look at my tree and think of people in my life.
3. Jude took the girls to the office today so I could work on some university assignments.  The silence was so beautiful.
4. Clean, warm clothes.
5. This morning’s sunrise (which was more purple in person):

Messes that test my sanity 3: More misuse of food.

More messes taken from my Facebook album.

Daisy, Circa February 2006.

I tried to catch a nap and forgot to put the peanut butter away. Do you have any idea how hard it is to clean up greasy peanut butter so that no smidge of it is left behind?

What you don't see is our wheat grinder to the left slathered in PB and the stuff in CHUNKS on the chair slipcover, on the floor and on the wall. (I threw her clothes in the garbage.)

Josie, age five, said after, "Mommy, when I saw the mess of peanut butter in the kitchen, I was terrified! I was flabberghasted!" Thank you Pinky Dinky Doo.

These are four of the seven apples I found in this "basket" with a few bites removed. Either I have wasteful children who don't understand the value of food (and whose fault is that?) or a very large rat has been haunting us at night.

I'm hoping for the rat.

WTH?

Everyone knows that the first bite is the sweetest. 

Said The Orange:  Frutarians, if you see me walking by with corn holder thingies in my eye, look away. Baby, look away.

Sigh.  Gives new meaning to "dirty money".

The messes that test my sanity 2.

Mormons store food in case of emergencies of all sorts.  But some people wonder where to store their food if they live an apartment or just don't have a lot of space.  Well, Lulu has a suggestion for you.  Flour can be kept under the dining room table.  JUST LIKE THIS.  As my husband would say, "Intuitive improvisation is the hallmark of genius."

And when you think you want a banana and you start to eat the banana and you realize that you don't really want a banana, Lulu has a suggestion for you.  Everyone has an area of expertise and the creative disposal of bananas is Lulu's.  Simply find the latch on your rustic coffee table or any two objects will do.  Then, place banana inside carefully, as you don't want to dirty your fingers, and SQUISH HARD.  Leave it there and don't tell anyone.  That would ruin the element of surprise.  It's especially delightful when it's discovered when guests are over.

I actually have a whole album of mess photos on Facebook.  I should start transferring them over so you can delight over them as much as I have.  Share the love. That's what I'm all about.

Daily Gratitudes

1. Jude makes the best potato latkes.  I think I may have mentioned this before.  But it's true enough to earn two mentions.
2. My friend Jen. L.  I love that I can trust her.
3. Catching a cold.  Because it's a good excuse to do nothing.  I only have one talent that I know of:  doing nothing. I'm super good at it.
4. My children and the hope that they'll grow up okay and not make us want to smack them all the time.  (NO, we don't smack them all the time.  Only most of the time.  Okay, if you don't know that I'm kidding, you should get better acquainted with me.  I don't smack my kids.  I just WANT to.  Big difference.)
5. THE INTERNET THE INTERNET OH MY GOODNESS THE INTERNET!  (You have no reason to believe I said that in ecstasy.)

Messes that test my sanity: When an almost 3-year old thinks she's an interior decorator.

This is Lulu saying, "You know, this living room needs something....  It's not... sticky enough.  There's not enough mystery underfoot."

Clearly, she solved her perceived dilemma.  With bubble gum. (That black thing I circled is a piece of magnetic clothing for their Melissa and Doug toy.  With gum on it.)

I don't know what this is but I'm getting us on a child psychologist waiting list just to be sure.  It looks too violent for my taste.

Now, I have myself to blame for this.  Lulu swiped my pen and I saw her do it.  A little voice within told me she was going to draw on the wall behind my chair (same one in the above photo) except the other side of it in the kitchen.  As soon as the thought got in my head, I forgot it, distracted by some crucially important online activity.  About five minutes later I heard Montana shout, "Lulu's writing on the wall with pen!"

It would have been more accurate for him to say, "Lulu is CARVING the wall up and including ink with this activity."  I'm going to have to paint the wall and may have to fill it in first because she used that much pressure.  Also, this picture spans almost three feet in width. On the plus side, those are two little people she drew on the left side.  How cute is that?  Her first people drawings!

Daily Gratitudes

1. One of Jude's secretaries sent Montana a postcard from Rome because she knows he's trying to learn Italian and loves learning about ancient Rome.  It arrived today!
2. I discovered that all the kids like calzones and we enjoy making them together with frozen bread dough from the grocery store.  (I know-- pizza dough is so easy to make in the bread maker and yet... I do it not.)
3. The gymnastics program will accept both girls at the same time, saving me chauffeuring and reducing the likelihood that I'll forget.  And it's an hour long, so I can drop them off and get something done in the meantime.  HUGE improvement upon last year.
4. Ready-made grocery store sushi.  It's so good.
5. Neighborhood friends for my kids to play with.  They've been outside a lot lately making it oh, so quiet.