9 ways to survive H1N1 + Swine Flu Soundtrack

1.  Load up on painkillers and immune boosting stuff like oregano oil capsules.  And I know it was just Halloween and you probably have an over-abundance of candy laying about, but don't surrender;  sugar makes your immune system shut down for a while (research it) and dude-- you're totally going to be sick for a while in the best of circumstances so why draw it out?

2.  If you've been considering installing an on-demand water heater, DO IT NOW.  In Canada you can get a tax credit for this (something about saving the planet, blah blah blah).  I've discovered to my surprise that it's possible to curl up in a fetal position in a stand-up shower.  Just curl up and pee to your heart's content.  This is why God made hot water.

3.  Melon.  It's about the only thing that won't hurt your throat or make you want to hurl. 

4.  Because you'll be eating so much melon:  flushable wet wipes.  For that hey-if-I'm-going-to-be-near-death-and-visiting-the-bathroom-this-often-at-least-I-can-be-fresh feeling. 

5.  Get some baking soda or something for brushing your teeth.  Just the fumes from the mint in your toothpaste will burn your throat ravaged from dry coughing.  Actually, you might reach a point where even drinking water hurts and when you cough you taste blood.  Vampire chic.

6.  If you don't have anyone to take care of you, you should hire someone.  Even if all you can find is a nice girl from an escort agency and you're worried that people might find out you hired her and get the wrong idea, do it anyway, because otherwise you might be tempted to off yourself.  No one should have to go through H1N1 alone.  Do what you have to do.  I'll defend your honour.

7.  Have a bell handy so that you can alert your significant other/friend/escort to your need for more Motrin, a blanket, lip balm, Twitter, your iPod.  Or make sure they have their cell phone on them and that you have a phone next to you.  Because if your person can't hear your hoarse, weak "yelling", it will really make you mad.  You need that energy to feel sorry for yourself.

8.  If you think you can spare enough attention span for a movie, I recommend Shaun of the Dead if you don't mind language or you have one of those naughty-word-filter dvd players.  Not only is it hilarious but it will help you to look on the bright side:  at least you're not a flesh-eating zombie;  you have the gift of consciousness.  (Or you will again once you get over this swine flu.)

9.  If you do have to go out in public, I hear the N95 masks are best for filtering germs and such but you should be aware that it's very difficult to draw or paint mustaches on them.  Something to consider.

If you don't yet have swine flu, Harry in When Harry Met Sally gives a good lesson on practising your moaning for when you do get sick. FYI.

That's really all I've got.  It's just something to live through and you'll probably be out of commission for at least a week.  One long, excruciatingly boring week. 

Now, if you have swine flu, here is my playlist for you of relatively perky songs that are easy listening because this is not the time for Pink Floyd or Black Eyed Peas.

Click here for my Swine Flu Soundtrack.  You can drag just the songs you like to the bottom into the little squares, or you can remove one that you don't like from the squares after you click "play".

Have your own suggestions for recuperating from H1N1 or for easy listenin'?  Leave them in the comments.

Daily Gratitudes

1. Shelly offering to take Izzy.  However, if Izzy hunts and eats muskrats I'm not sure letting her around a bunch of cats is the best idea.  ??
2. The kids are healing up.  Just some coughing.  Judging by their regular requests for candy, things seem to be returning to normal.
3. My cushy bed.
4. My laptop, old and dying though it may be.
5. Jude bought me some French Onion Soup.  He's a genius.

Comments

[JulesD]

You even make H1N1 sound entertaining to read about. :-) I hope we don't get it, or any other flu for that matter.

[Marilyn (A Lot of Loves)]

H1N1 sounds like a blast. I hope you feel better soon. And I hope our H1N1 shots work so I don't need to follow your tips.

[Amanda -er]

very good, sorry you had to go through the swine flu. Watching Scrubs all day definitely helped me and making my mom make me fresh fruit smoothies, I definitely couldn't have survived it alone. Not being able to do anything for over a week was enough to drive me crazy, It was fun to use my nasty man voice to make funny noises with my sisters, but oh how it hurt to laugh.

[Natasha]

Yes, actually, I'm thinking of retracting my advice to laugh. What was I thinking? It will only send you into coughing spasms. Totally not fun.

I'm freaking going insane over here. I think as soon as I'm healthy, I'm going to run a marathon, join a motorcycle squad (as opposed to "gang"), bake 100 cookies, scrub my bathroom until it's clean enough to lick in any corner or crevice, and live in a tree for a day.

[Amanda -er]

That is very ambitious, oh good news, I bought the four agreements today, with the last of my grocery money, it was that important.

[aletterfromhome.wordpress.com]

Feel better!

[JulesD]

Have you ever driven a (motor)bike before? I have my bike license so we cna start with that... we have to find a cool name for our bike "squad". And you can dye your hair pink too while your at it!!

[Natasha]

Jules, no I haven't but you know who loves it? LOUISE! You'll have to talk to her about it. She has her license and I think she's done racing if I remember correctly. She would join our squad with her red hair, I'll be pink and brown like you, and, oh-- I'll learn how to ride a bike.

[heather]

Great list! Number seven was the best. It made me LOL!