Where the Wild Things Are: A parenting what-not-to-do story

So, Max says, "I'll eat you up!"  We're not told how he said it.  Did he say it playfully?  Was he pretending to be a monster?  Does he have a history of back talk with his mother?  We are left with either having to extend the mother some benefit of the doubt or assuming that the woman is a bit spazzy.  Because, sending a little kid to bed without his supper just for saying, while wearing a monster costume, "I'll eat you up!"?  I'm imagining her parenting Sin/Consequence chart must resemble this:

Saying "I'll eat you up!" = To bed without supper

Leaving your toys out = Smack on the bum

Hitting your little brother = Clean out the rain gutters

Telling me you hate me = Beaten to death

So, first the mom doesn't overlook Max's natural childishness.  She makes a big deal out of seemingly nothing. She's allowed to teasingly call him "Wild thing" but he's not allowed to pretend to be the wild thing?  She doesn't explain what he did wrong. 

Then, she doesn't choose a logical consequence.  Her consequence includes arguable cruelty (inflicting hunger pains on her child). 

Then when she realises she punished him in haste and she didn't have the heart to carry through with the punishment, she brings him his supper anyway, teaching him that he can behave how he wants and his mom won't follow through on her word. 

I've always had trouble looking past this part of the story.  I can never tell how I'm supposed to read the "I'll eat you up!" part.  I always read it like Max is really angry because he must be to justify her reaction but if you were reading this for the first time ever you might read it playfully and then you're all, "So he was sent to bed without eating anything." And then you're all confused, wondering if you read things wrong.

Yes, it's got great illustrations.  Yes, it's poetic. 

But isn't it also about how Max feels powerless and unappreciated so he loses himself in a world of imagination where he can be king and where the monsters love him so much they want to eat him so he can be a part of them forever? 

Maybe the point of the story is to highlight Max's mom's bad 1960's parenting and Max's coping mechanisms.  Maybe it's a story about the realism of parenting, how we are all prone to hasty disciplining and that we have the power to propel our kids to fantastical imagining for coping but that in the end, everything works out:  our kids forgive us and the love they know we have for them draws them back to us, even when we were stupid.

I haven't seen the movie yet.  I'm interested in the interpretation.

Daily Gratitudes

1. The stomach virus my daughter has doesn't seem to have hit me as hard. Guts still hurt though.
2. Lulu's 4th birthday party went off without a hitch and I wasn't sick for it.
3. Feeling peppy and happy despite reasons to be glum.
4. Still have not given in to my desire to eat sugar. 
5. Lulu is full of funny quotes lately.

Comments

[Charlotte]

So when are you starting your lecture series on "The Parenting Failures of Popular Children Stories"? That book will never be the same for me. Although, I always assumed the child was showing serial killer tendencies and so had to be treated very seriously when threatening to eat people.

And the Little Mermaid? Totally a movie about horrible parenting.

[Natasha]

Agreed on Little Mermaid.

I do love the lyrical parts of this book.

[Amber]

And what's with the Mom who crawls in her 40 year old son's window in Love You Forever?

[Natasha]

LOL. You're right. When she was forced to cut the apron strings she used them to tie a ladder onto her car and drove all the way across town to sneak into his window because he knew better than to give her an extra key.

[katrina]

Thank you for interpretation. I also have these thoughts as I read it to my children-- I,also, never know how to read that line. And I also scratch my head as to wondering why the mom left dinner out for her son. I completely agree with Nastasha about ILYF book but I do tear up whenever I read it to my sons.

[Natasha]

I used to cry over that book too but I got over it eventually. :-)

[ChristinaS]

I saw the movie. I enjoyed it. It's altered slightly....in fact I think it might even address these very concerns ;) I think you might appreciate Spike Jonze's take on it! My ten year old and her friend loved it. They cried at the end. As a bonus point, Tony Soprano is a good choice for an angry monster voice...if only by association lol!

[JQ]

Daniel Handler (Lemony Snickett) said something about how children's fiction has to be about orphans or lost kids because parent characters just confuse and ruin everything.

[Natasha]

Chris, does he speak with a mobster voice?! That would be awesome.

JQ, interesting. Orphans are common themes in lit.

[Natasha]

Jane @ SeagullFountain.com pointed me to this post on Motherlode: http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/10/14/where-the-wild-things-are-as-a-parenting-guide/

I think it's basically a load of extrapolating carp.

[Memarie Lane]

Actually if you start at the very beginning of the story, Max has been doing naughty things all day. When he gets to the point of being put in his room, it's after a full day's mischief and his mom has just had it. And then at the end he does have dinner waiting for him in his room, because she doesn't actually want to starve him or anything, but she wants him to have a long cooling off period. I never saw anything odd about any of this. Maybe because I have a Max myself.

[Natasha]

That's true. He was making mischief of one kind or another but why was that the last straw? If it was really because he was making mischief earlier, then why delay the consequence until he says something pretty harmless. I mean, he's in a monster costume. He's playing. It sounds like whatever he was doing earlier was worse than just saying "I'll eat you up" and yet she chooses then to put him in his room.

I still think it's weird and always have. And then she doesn't just put him in his room. She puts him in his room and tells him he won't be getting supper. Then they both cool off and she realises she can't really go through with keeping supper from him. Don't threaten anything you're not willing to carry out, Dr. Phil says. :-)

I think we all have Maxes some days. ;-)

[Chrysta]

I have three Maxes, and I grew up with my four Max brothers. I could and can totally see why Max's mom would finally throw up her hands and send him to bed. I mean, the illustrations show him with a crazy look on his face, running after someone with a fork! It's always been one of my favorite books. A little boy who gets in trouble after a long day of being in trouble and finally falls into a dream-filled late nap. Just like my three year old. I agree completely with Memarie Lane...

[Marilyn (A Lot of Loves)]

I had never read this book until a couple of weeks ago when I bought it for my son. The first time my husband and I read it we both said something similar to "Whoa. Harsh mom." It's obvious that Max has been acting up all day but I can't imagine choosing to punish my kid by withholding food...but that's probably because that book was written before I was born.

Another old book that I found surprising (and actually find a little disturbing to the point that I don't read it to my son anymore) is the original Curious George. George is captured from his nice jungle home and thrown into a bag. He's taken to a ship. Then he smokes a pipe. Then he makes the mistake of dialing the fire department so they put him in prison (Can we say over reaction?). Then he escapes prison and all is well because he is finally locked up a caged in the zoo...with balloons that the animals will probably mistake for food and then choke and die on. Fun!

[gabriellevalentine]

Aww, just reading this post I get sad for kids in real situations like this. Situations in movies and books - it's hard to think that those things really happen in real life, too.
I've never read this book though I've heard of it. I've always seen it in the book stores.
I tend to over-analyze movies and books too much and have stopped watching/reading that many for that reason - I have too many unanswered questions in the end and the story often breaks my heart.

[Email Guy]

Part of the art of writing stories is brevity, leaving questions unanswered, and not explaining everything. As often as not, stories like this are as much to give kids something to ponder upon. Wow, my mom is mean to me, but would being where my heart is right now be better than that? Look, my mom is nice after punishing me too; I didn't notice it until Max's mom showed love to him.

And parents, even if you lose your patience, you can still show your love.

I won't dispute that the lessons could be better, but sometimes it's not supposed to be a manual of good parenting, but a glimpse into the lives of real people with real situations.

[Email Guy]

Perhaps I should have said a momentary glimpse into the lives of people who are dealing with imperfect situations.

[Susan]

Interesting thoughts on one of our most beloved stories.
I have had the same misgivings, but felt that since it was all fantasy, it was not going to harm my children. I think kids are smarter than we sometimes give them credit for. They can tell it's just a story about some other people, and not all families handle discipline the same way. Anybody old enough to go on a playdate or a sleepover knows this.
I'd be interested in Heather's or Katie's take on this.

[Natasha]

Oh, I don't have any problems with reading it to kids either. I think it's just a story too. Just not a story that makes a lot of sense. :-)