How to become a really popular blogger

Becoming Something... Where life meets liff.... One day at a time.... Sippy cups and soap operas (and bonbons)....  Because it's rhymey timey.... Random nothingness absurdity from my desktop/yap/questionable sanity.... Making people yawn one blog post at a time.... Like one thing, only not....  Vodka and diapers....   

Hmm.  It's so hard to pick.  

Maybe you're like me:  you've been hanging out in the blogosphere and you're feeling insecure because you don't have a blog tagline or slogan.  Well, I figured out the formula.  Together, we can find our perfect taglines and soar to bloggy popularity.

How to find your blog slogan:

1. Be self-deprecating.  Heaven forbid you actually pretend to think you're smart/clever/cool.  We don't want you to LIKE yourself or anything.
2. Make it rhyme.  We're all 5-year-olds inside, really.  Who doesn't giggle over a good rhyme?
3. Try to squeeze in the phrase "at a time".  Anything "at a time" will do. 
4. Two short sentences is ideal.  Because it surprises people.  They'll think you're done, that you've made your point but then you'll totally surprise them with your NEXT sentence and they'll be all, "Whoa. I didn't see THAT coming!  That totally changed the meaning of her first sentence!  I was all judgemental of her for a second there but I'm repenting now because she wasn't even done what she was trying to say!"
5. If you're a mom, you HAVE to say something about pacifiers, cookies, crackers, crumbs, sippy cups, stretch marks, puke... whatever. Just pick anything that's banal and/or messy.
6. Also, if you're a mom, you could mix two things that don't typically go together: one adult and one childlike.  Alcohol is popular for mixing with a baby product like bottles, sippy cups, and pacifiers. Anything that would go into a kid's mouth.  You could say something about sex beside the crib... but let's be real-- most moms don't have a lot of sex anyway so no one would believe you. Credibility is important here.
7. Add "Because" to the beginning of your slogan. Without it, we're all wondering what you're doing on the internet. You don't have a right to be here and share your thoughts unless you have a good "because".  And without "because", the rest of your slogan would never make sense!
8. THEN, combine at least two of these and you're golden!  

If you can do this, people will read your blog.  If you don't do it, how is anyone supposed to know it's a blog??! It's not like the date format gives a clue. The lack of a shopping cart, the title at the top and the barage of cute little buttons and links on the side could mean ANYTHING! 

And you HAVE to sum up your entire blog in that one sentence, obviously.  That's where the word "life" comes in handy.  "At a time" is just a clever way of suggesting that it's about life via the passage of time.

You're welcome. 

Daily Gratitudes

1. How often can I express gratitude for cooler weather?
2. I think tomorrow is a holiday. ? Which means as soon as Jude is done work, he's home for a while. I need him right now.
3. An awesome babysitter.
4. Josie made breakfast this morning and last night she ASKED ME what she could do to help me clean up.
5. I found my scriptures. They were under the livingroom chair. Because why not?

Comments

[Brett Nordquist]

What you need are more buttons. And little paragraphs detailing the nuances of your children and their likes/dislikes. Add those to the sidebar so I can read them EVERY time I visit your blog. I also love to visit blogs that include embedded music from an artist only heard on the Disney Channel.

[Marketing Mommy]

...And if that all fails, go for alliteration.

I'm a professional copywriter, so NOT having a slogan would be, like, career suicide or something.

[Emma]

This is awesome! :-)

[Natasha]

At least it didn't start with "Because". I should add that to the list.



Your slogan made me laugh.

[Kimberly]

I hereby claim "Life...At a time..." as my slogan. If, you know, I ever bother to revive my blog...

[JulesD]

LOL! I still wouldn't be capable of writing one... but that's probably why I don't have a blog.

[gina]

I love how you write and make fun of all of us, of yourself and yet nobody in particular. At the same time. Your writing is great. You say it just right.

I DO get so tired of the vodka/sex/sippy cup crap blogs. I don't think there is much more on those subjects to be said that hasn't been already.

[Tatiana]

Sooo a lady I know just renamed her blog. It's "Tantrums and " with the tagline "Surviving my family one shot at a time".

Yeah, seeing as I had just read this post a few hours before, I admit that I snickered.

[Tatiana]

Err, "Tantrums and [Alcohol Name]"... fail at using pointy brackets that're HTML code.

[Natasha]

Thanks, Gina. That was really nice of you to say.



:-)

[Natasha]

LOL. That is hilarious. I've never seen her blog but look at how right I am!!!  It's fun to be right about stuff like this. I just realised recently that I'm good at picking up patterns.  *grin* See, this is why so many businesses fail, too. Because they look at what other businesses are doing, see that they're successful, and then figure it will help them be successful too. Except in the mommy blogger world, they want to be cool. 

Mark my words:  I WILL NEVER, EVER HAVE A TAGLINE. EVER.

[Lou]

I am thinking of starting a new blog when I move to Spain. I would love some tips and really enjoyed this post.

[Don Mills Diva]

And if that doesn't work to drive traffic try writing a post along these lines...

"I can't believe you are shaming those of us who do not have "Because" in our taglines. I am calling on all women without "Because" in their taglines to stand up and seize their power aginst oppressors like you."

And then go on Twitter, direct people to your post and ask all oppressed women to rally around those who do not have "Because" in their tag-lines.

Soon it will get super ugly and you'll be famous.

[Natasha]

LOL!! That is SO how it works. "This is important!! If we don't blah blah blah, then how can we control our narrative!" Ahem. Just kidding. Some narratives are powerful.

[Meagan Francis]

This post absolutely killed me. Too funny. I think I've been "guilty" of following at least 4 of these tagline rules in the past!

[Natasha]

Hee hee.

[Busy Mom]

#natashahatesbecause

[Average Jane]

I actually had a conversation at BlogHer with someone who was trying to convince me that I needed a tagline. And to think I've gone 5 1/2 years without one...

[Adventures In Babywearing]

I've never had a slogan or line! Now I want one. This was so funny cause
it's true.

Steph

[Suburban Oblivion]

*Snort* Totally nailed it, with the exception of forgetting "Create a user name with the word "mom" in it, i.e. 'so-and-so's-mom'."

You know, in case we missed the cutesy kid stuff all over the blog. ;)

[Natasha]

I'd happily speak on the topic at BlogHer.

[gina]

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http://www.dailyblogtips.com/the-best-website-taglines-around-the-internet/

No tagline for me.

[Margaret]

This was fantastic! And I'm glad I stumbled onto this AFTER I removed my own "at a time" off of my banner. Whew! Of course, now I'm paranoid that I'm violating other cool factors, so if you'll excuse me, I have to go and get all self-conscious over at my blog. Still, this was hilarious.