I flipped out last night. Totally lost my carp. And because I'm not a meek person and because I've always been a fighter of injustice, childishly indignant, I didn't bite my tongue much.
I flipped out because I was directed, by a Facebook notification, to a message on a friend's Facebook thread from a Mormon who was expressing an illogical level of disdain for gay people, namely American Idol's Adam Lambert. Later on in this very heated exchange I said that if we are to teach people where they are wrong, our message should be prefaced with love. But, at the same time, my message was prefaced with disgust and an attempt to shame this Mormon guy. I told him that what he said was one of the dumbest things I've heard in a while. And it was. And I think you'll think so too (I'll share his comment in a moment). But, I clearly need to work on being calm and loving when faced with bigotry and I think I can when I'm prepared for it. But when I'm taken by surprise and when it comes from someone who I think should totally know better-- a fellow Mormon-- when most Mormons I know are not like this at all, being calm and loving is not even a thought that crosses my mind because I'm more concerned about the focus of the person's attack, not the attacker himself. Sigh. I did say sorry to him and I have repented.
I know one other friend was wondering why I didn't just shut up and leave it alone. Plenty of people would have done that. There's two reasons for why I didn't:
1. I was told by someone that a couple of weeks ago, this guy (let's call him Richard) had spouted off in a similar fashion on my same friend's Facebook wall, to a non-Mormon gay man, comparing gay sex to murder. That gay man may have been reading this thread of messages between me and Richard, for all I know. I want him to know that Richard does not represent the feelings of the men I believe to be the the holiest men in the world: our church leaders. I want all people reading to know that.
2. There are quotes about people who stand by and say or do nothing when other people are spreading evil, hatred, etc.
"The world is a dangerous place not because of the people who do evil; but because of the people who stand by and let them." -Albert Einstein (I'm sure he meant because of BOTH of those things. *laugh*)
"In Germany, they came first for the Communists, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist; And then they came for the trade unionists,and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist; And then they came for the Jews, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew; And then... they came for me... and by that time there was no one left to speak up." -Martin Niemöller, pastor, theologian, and former supporter of Hitler turned opposition, who was sent to a concentration camp by Hitler. (He made it out alive.)
"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of
our friends." -Martin Luther King
Yes, there's a time to let things go but there's also a time to speak out. I am both disliked and loved for the way I speak out with great fervor over things I think are wrong, and because I am not satisfied to just ignore points that I think are totally wrong. Comparing gayness to murder is one example; you say that and I'm not going to say, "Well, let's agree to disagree because I don't like to argue," like that is a virtue. I will similarly speak out for tougher sentences for crimes, for restricted access to hand guns, and for truth-telling as opposed to outright lies, including those about my church. If your cause is ever the one I'm defending, you wouldn't likely be telling me to let it go; you'd be grateful to have me on your side. I have no plans to change this aspect of my personality, I only plan on perfecting my delivery and working on having more charity. ;-D
So. That said, what did Richard say that got me so upset? This series of diatribes, some in response to my replies:
"I haven't heard either [American Idol contestant] sing, but I knew who I wanted to win, the not gay one. I guess that makes me a bigot, but I just don't think people actively glorifying in their sin should be rewarded.
Yeah, I know we are all sinners and that, but face it. I know I am a sinner and I know I do things that I wish I wouldn't, but I feel bad about my transgressions and I try to repent. I don't revel in my sins and I certainly don't want to be rewarded for them.But honestly, Adam knows that homosexual relationships are a sin. Everyone knows that, unless you want to believe the gay activists who say it is nothing to be ashamed of.
It's nice to know that you, Natasha, are a very welcoming person and are able to share your love with everyone. [Natasha interjects here to say: I never said that.] That is special and nice. I am sure that if Ted Bundy or Jeffrey Dahmer had been on American Idol and had been great singers, you would say, hey they aren't murdering or raping right now, they are just glorifying their singing talent. Even if they were singing about the joy of killing. [Natasha interjects to say: Because Adam sang about the joy of homosexuality? I must have missed that episode.]
I know that might sound like a disconnect to you, Natasha, but it isn't. A sin is a sin. Murder is just as bad as homosexual sex. Can you accept that?...You say that being gay is not a sin. Now I have a question for you: Are you willing to say that being a Murder or a Thief or a Terrorist is not a sin?
...Natasha, you said gays don't know it's a sin being gay. If that it true, then maybe someone needs to tell them it's a sin. I think Jesus talked about that. What are you doing to tell gay people that they are sinning?"
Ohhhhkay. So, using quotes from church leaders, I am going to share what The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints actually believes and teaches about homosexuality, sin, judgment, and how to treat gay people, lest anyone out there be confused about how the LDS church approaches the topic of homosexuality. If you don't want to read all the text quoted from church leaders (because it is an awful lot), please at least read the bolded points below.
1. We believe that we are children of God who made us in his image. We lived in Heaven before we came here, with the same identities as either male or female. We are made to come to earth for the purpose of proving our faith, and gaining experiences and wisdom we could not gain if we did not have bodies and if we could not experience the contrasts of life such as between joy and sorrow, etc. We are also made to create families which we'll carry with us, if we are righteous, into the eternities. Any diversion from that is not a part of the Lord's eternal plan. We can choose our own plan for ourselves or the Lord's. You might think the Lord just wants you to be happy. LDS doctrine teaches that he wants you to be like him.
Please see the doctrines laid out in this talk by Dallin H. Oaks, for needed references.
2. We believe that there is no definitive one cause for homosexuality. (This one has a lot of quotes and please click on the link to read more info on genetic markers and more.)
Dallin H. Oaks: "A study of fifty-six pairs of identical male twins in which one twin classified himself as “gay” reported that 52 percent of the co-twins also classified themselves as gay. 11 A similar study of female identical twins yielded approximately the same proportion of co-twins who classified themselves as gay (thirty-four of seventy-one pairs, 48 percent). 12 If these studies show some inherited influence on whatever causes a man or woman to classify himself or herself as homosexual or lesbian, it is clear that this influence is not determinative. As a prominent scientist observed, “Even the identical twin of a gay man has a 50 percent or more chance of being heterosexual—even though he has the exact same genes and is reared by the same parents.” 13 We should also note that the results of these studies (and others described below) are based on the subjects’ self-classifications, a shaky foundation for scientific conclusions when “there is still no universally accepted definition of homosexuality among clinicians and behavioral scientists—let alone a consensus regarding its origins.” 14
"Some kinds of feelings seem to be inborn. Others are traceable to mortal experiences. Still other feelings seem to be acquired from a complex interaction of “nature and nurture.” All of us have some feelings we did not choose, but the gospel of Jesus Christ teaches us that we still have the power to resist and reform our feelings (as needed) and to assure that they do not lead us to entertain inappropriate thoughts or to engage in sinful behavior.
Different persons have different physical characteristics and different susceptibilities to the various physical and emotional pressures we may encounter in our childhood and adult environments. We did not choose these personal susceptibilities either, but we do choose and will be accountable for the attitudes, priorities, behavior, and “lifestyle” we engraft upon them.
Just as some people have different feelings than others, some people seem to be unusually susceptible to particular actions, reactions, or addictions. Perhaps such susceptibilities are inborn or acquired without personal choice or fault, like the unnamed ailment the Apostle Paul called “a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure” (2 Cor. 12:7). One person may have feelings that draw him toward gambling, but unlike those who only dabble, he becomes a compulsive gambler. Another person may have a taste for tobacco and a susceptibility to its addiction. Still another may have an unusual attraction to alcohol and the vulnerability to be readily propelled into alcoholism. Other examples may include a hot temper, a contentious manner, a covetous attitude, and so on.
In each case (and in other examples that could be given) the feelings or other characteristics that increase susceptibility to certain behavior may have some relationship to inheritance. But the relationship is probably very complex. The inherited element may be nothing more than an increased likelihood that an individual will acquire certain feelings if he or she encounters particular influences during the developmental years."
3. We should not identify ourselves as "gay", "straight", or "bisexual" because our sexual feelings do not define us and they ARE capable of changing. We have same sex attraction or opposite sex attraction.
Jeffery R. Holland: "You serve yourself poorly when you identify yourself primarily by your sexual feelings. That isn’t your only characteristic, so don’t give it disproportionate attention. You are first and foremost a son [or daughter] of God, and He loves you."
4. Having same sex attractions is not a sin. Dwelling upon them by entertaining scenarios, for example, can condemn us by bringing us to the point of acting out our thoughts, which would then be a sin.
Jeffery R. Holland: "Same-gender attraction is not a sin, but acting on those feelings is—just as it would be with heterosexual feelings [outside of marriage].... The First Presidency has stated, “There is a distinction between immoral thoughts and feelings and participating in either immoral heterosexual or any homosexual behavior.” If you do not act on temptations, you have not transgressed."
Dallin H. Oaks: "The First Presidency has declared that “there is a distinction between [1] immoral thoughts and feelings and [2] participating in either immoral heterosexual or any homosexual behavior.” Although immoral thoughts are less serious than immoral behavior, such thoughts also need to be resisted and repented of because we know that “our thoughts will also condemn us” (Alma 12:14). Immoral thoughts (and the less serious feelings that lead to them) can bring about behavior that is sinful."
5. The LDS church does not always encourage members with same sex attraction to marry. In some cases that may be suggested for reasons that are unique to those individuals (bisexual attraction, as an example). If you read online anywhere that "the Mormon church thinks marriage can cure homosexuality", as I have read, know that that is false.
Jeffery R. Holland: "...Recognize that marriage is not an all-purpose solution. Same-gender attractions run deep, and trying to force a heterosexual relationship is not likely to change them. We are all thrilled when some who struggle with these feelings are able to marry, raise children, and achieve family happiness. But other attempts have resulted in broken hearts and broken homes."
Dallin H. Oaks: "President Gordon B. Hinckley has declared that 'marriage should not be viewed as a therapeutic step to solve problems such as homosexual inclinations or practices.'"
6. We are not to exclude anyone with same sex attraction from our circle of fellowship. (Surely the same principle that governs this truth must also govern whether or not we vote for singers in American Idol based on their sexual preference.)
Jeffery R. Holland: "Some members exclude from their circle of fellowship those who are different. When our actions or words discourage someone from taking full advantage of Church membership, we fail them—and the Lord. The Church is made stronger as we include every member and strengthen one another in service and love."
Dallin H. Oaks: "We are asked to be kinder with one another, more gentle and forgiving. We are asked to be slower to anger and more prompt to help. We are asked to extend the hand of friendship and resist the hand of retribution. We are called upon to be true disciples of Christ, to love one another with genuine compassion, for that is the way Christ loved us."
7. Church leaders are given the charge by God to call people to repentence, which implies judgment. Church members are given the charge to share information about the Lord's will for his people and about the plan of salvation.
Dallin H. Oaks: "Church officers are responsible to call transgressors to repentance... Church leaders and members cannot avoid their responsibility to teach correct principles and righteous behavior (on all subjects), even if this causes discomfort to some."
8. Murder is the one sin not fully forgivable in the sense that the murderer can achieve glory in the celestial kingdom with God. Every other sin is fully forgivable if the sinner fully repents. Full repentance must include restitution. You cannot make restitution for killing someone because you cannot give back a life you've taken.
Doctrine & Covenants 42:18: "Thou shalt not kill; and he that kills shall not have forgiveness in this world nor in the the world to come."
Spencer W. Kimball, The Miracle of Forgiveness, page 127: "The murderer denies himself salvation in the celestial kingdom and in this sense he cannot be forgiven for his crime."
Why did I flip out on my friend's Facebook wall? Why am I carrying the discussion over here? Because I just have a need to be right? NO. Richard's opinion was so illogical and spiritually immature as to be apparently so; hardly anyone would need me to point that out. No, it was because you never know who is listening in, feeling hurt, alienated, shamed, or just confused about Mormon doctrine.
As well, there is another reason, not insignificant, which I will explain tomorrow.
