This weekend I had the privilege of watching and listening, via internet from the comfort of my sofa and bed, inspired words of some very goodly men and women: leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
As I listened to what they had to say, I felt very much chastised and reprimanded and I loved every minute of it. I was given the motivation I need to shape up in areas I sensed were getting spiritually flabby. These leaders of God spent hours preparing messages for the world, their only motivation being love, concern, and a desire to inspire and comfort.
I'm going to share with you some of the words that touched me most-- swelling my heart with hope, peace, joy and love. Then I will share with you pieces of heart from some friends and Twitter users.
Over 300 LDS people were Twittering their thoughts, feelings and favourite quotes from the semi-annual General Conference of the LDS church. And to read what they had to say, in real time, while listening to Conference was to experience the meeting in a deeper way, like simultaneously attending a testimony meeting and Conference. It was enriching to hear their joyous expressions. Corny, but true. Some people said, "Very, very humbled right now." and "I am not always the most religious person. However, I am feeling such love, hope, and joy today. The testimony shared today is beautiful." I appreciated these comments that made me feel like I was in good, imperfect company.
Have you ever wanted to get your Tom Cruise on and jump on a yellow couch and shout out to the world your joyous feelings about something? THAT WAS TWITTER THIS WEEKEND, although, sadly, without Oprah. Every time someone shared their feelings of gratitude or excitement, I felt my own feelings multiply. Good things really are made better when shared with others.
So, here are some quotes that kicked me in the spiritual guts and made me want to change my ways:
When we live providently, we can provide for ourselves and our families. And also follow the Savior's example to bless others... We must keep the most basic commandment: Thou shalt not covet... Whenever we [feel entitled to buy more than we can afford] we give away some of our precious [free will] and put ourselves in self-imposed servitude. Money we could have used to care for others and others must now be used to pay for debt. What remains is often only enough to pay for the most basic physical needs, living at the subsistence level, we become depressed... We do not have the time, energy or interest to seek spiritual things. -Robert D. Hales
We've gotten into debt this year with the building of our new house and owning two houses at once for half a year (and probably there were some candy purchases in there). I tend to think, "Ah, what's another $100 on top of that? We'll pay it off with our tax return." What a lazy way to think. Also, if I can't afford to help out my friends and strangers, can I really afford to buy a new shirt? Should I be wasting my time browsing Etsy, even for a few minutes a day, even if I have no intentions of buying that which I covet? True joy, for me, would come from helping out friends experiencing unemployment and perhaps worse, friends working their butts off but still struggling. How much I wish I could hand someone some money and say, "Stop working that night job. Spend time with your wife instead."
Jeffrey R. Holland gave a powerful talk about the atonement of Christ. (Viewable here, available by mp3 here. Please note they don't have direct links available. Look under Sunday morning session.) He tells the story of Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane. Christ knows that here he will drink a bitter cup that will cause him great pain. He will take upon himself all the sins and pains of the world, every feeling that anyone has ever felt, and he asks his disciples to sit with him. They fall asleep and he asks, "Could ye not watch with me one hour?" It happens again and again. Finally, he says compassionately, "Sleep on now and take your rest." It reminds me of when Christ said, "Come unto me, all ye that are heavy laden for I will give ye rest." (Matthew 11:28)
Holland poetically, succinctly, and memorably describes the journey that Christ took, very much alone, to take upon himself all the heartache, all the terror, all the loneliness and sin of the world. Then he points out all the companions God has given us for our earthly journeys, including prophets and apostles, and he says,
"Trumpeted from the summit of Calvary, is the truth that we will never be left alone or unaided, even if sometimes we may feel that we are... These scenes of Christ's lonely sacrifice, laced with moments of denial and abandonment and, at least once, outright betrayal, must never be reenacted by us. He has walked alone once. Now may I ask that never again will he have to confront sin without aid and assistance. That he never again will see unresponsive lookers when he sees you and me, along his via dolorosa, in our present day."
What he said here, so emotionally, is that when we don't turn to Christ and repent, he shoulders our sin alone. He's carrying it around somewhere, perhaps only in his heart by way of sadness. He's able to let it go when we repent. When it ceases to be a part of us, it ceases to be a part of him. We are irreversibly connected to Christ in the most intimate of ways, through this Atonement, sharing our sins and our most private feelings. We simply cannot undo that which we do not undo, and the Savior does require our participation in this. We need to feel remorse for our sins and do away with them. We undo by changing who we are and Christ facilitates this. If we do not repent, we haven't learned; our sins are still a part of who we are, a reflection of our thoughts, wants and character. Christ cannot undo that which we stubbornly refuse to let go; we were gifted with free will that prevents this. He cannot change us from the people we decide to be.
As Brother Holland spoke, I could envision Jesus, just a man. Just a goodly, lovely man-- my own brother. And something pierced me deep inside my body, in my chest, as it has before, that said OH WOW, THIS REALLY HAPPENED. Something whispered to me that one day it will all make sense and won't be so ephemeral as it seems now. One day it will be so obvious to me.
I do not see how anyone could honestly doubt the honesty of Jeffrey Holland's emotion as he spoke. This is what I love about our leaders; this is what moves me. There are no theatrics-- just tenderness. Oh! the tenderness of their tears and how often do you see that in men, especially publicly? There's sincerity. There's love that envelops.
Some more favourite quotes:
"You can't be a lifesaver by looking like all the other people on the beach." -Dallin H. Oaks
"The gospel takes us as men and women of the earth and refines us into men and women of the eternities." -Dieter F. Uctdorf
"Spectator disclipleship is a preferred, if not primary way of worshiping by some. Ours is not a second-hand religion." -Dieter F. Uctdorf. This was referring to how we need to practice what we preach and do more than put pretty pictures of the temple up in our home, go to church on Sundays and live off of the testimony of members who are true living disciples.
It was so fantastic to hear the reactions of other Mormons on Twitter that I asked some if they wanted to contribute any thoughts to this blog post. I love what my friend Mike (@ihenpecked) had to say:
It was almost 20 years ago when I was helping my mom with an extension to her home. Without warning a large wooden beam fell and hit me on the back of the head. I staggered for a minute, waited for the stars to clear and assured everybody I was OK. Turns out I wasn't-- I was bleeding, needed stitches and incurred a doozy of a headache.
Today felt like I got hit with a spiritual 2 X 4. It's like somebody hit me on the side of head and told me it's time to be better. As I watched inspired men of God, something whispered to me deep inside. At one point, it may have been shouting. Sure, I felt a little more humbled, even chastised. But I felt something more.... It's hard to explain. I felt loved. While my Heavenly Father wanted more for me, I knew he loved me.
My friend Susan shared this,
From Sister Barbara Thompson's talk I was reminded I need to take EVERY opportunity to strengthen my family, and not think that what we are doing is good enough. I need to take the next step, and do a little more.
One thing I noticed was how much they talked about the temple. The yearning to attend the temple more often is strong in my heart. I think about the sacrifices some Saints have made, and do make, to go to the temple, and the six hour drive doesn't seem so much any more.
Jason (@OnMyMission) writes,
[This conference] seemed to be telling me that I need to stop whining and need to get lost in the work. By that I mean get more involved in church activities and look for those struggling instead of trying to get in and out each Sunday.
The economy situation was also brought up multiple times and that reminded me of how many blessings I have personally received lately. My family has been blessed with the ability to purchase a house just recently and I have a secure job that I love... I believe our blessings are a direct result of paying tithing and obeying the commandments, which means that I have much to give and I need to help others when any opportunity comes my way.
Anissa (@AnissaW08) references Jeffrey R. Holland's talk (mp3 available here),
"To those who are alone, are alone, or who feel abandoned...in short in can include all of us, at various times in our lives... the Savior shouldered that alone..."
This talk struck me as I know so well, the times in my life when I have felt these feelings. I remember feeling as though I may never marry. I remember feeling so alone, without much meaning in my life. Although I was very much not alone... The Lord is the one person I knew I always had with me, if I chose to allow him in.
Good heavens, Elder Holland is pricking my very soul... I'm gonna frame this [conference issue of our church magazine].
I have had so many people question my devotion to my religion supplying me with shallow explanations I'm quick to dismiss because only I know what takes place within my heart. IT'S NOT EXPLAINABLE. It's as unexplainable as the flavour of salt, or the feeling of an orgasm. To really understand, you must experience it yourself.
Me being Mormon is not about me being right. I'm Mormon because of how it makes me feel and who it helps me to be. I would rather be wrong and have "supernatural" assurances in times of intense grief, than to be correct and be resentful and unable to cope with pain of great losses and trials. (Of course, I don't believe I AM wrong....) I would rather have convictions based on that which I cannot see that help me to be the fabulous person I want to be, than to have my self-discipline constantly compromised by convenience or confusion. Everyone has belief in some value system, religious or not, that helps them know how to behave. You recycle or you give up your seat on the subway for a pregnant lady because of beliefs that you have. I need a greater reason to act rightly AT ALL TIMES than my own moral ideas based on society or based on what seems right to me, because what seems right in the moment can change. I know people who see exceptions to rules that I don't see. I want to be unwavering.
Having a strong moral compass, based on eternal laws, gives me freedom to know how to choose in confusing situations. I don't walk around with torment, unsure if I made the right decision. I will never have to wonder, Should I have had an abortion or given the baby up for adoption? Should I have children now or later? Should I work outside the home when I don't have a financial need and put my kids in daycare? Should I have married this man? Should I get a divorce and leave my family for a year to figure out if I made the right decision? Should I have an affair when no one would ever know when it supplies me with something I'm lacking and makes me happy, which is good for everyone? Should I spank my children? Should I vaccinate my children?
There are so, so, so many questions other people struggle with that I don't. Not everyone struggles over the above questions, I know. But a lot of people do agonize over decisions I could make it two seconds and I find that freeing, not controlling. I don't feel like I'm missing out on some intellectual superiority by turning to God for answers to my decisions. I'm already intelligent, thank you very much. While other people waste time struggling to make decisions and then second guessing those decisions and working backwards, I can accomplish more in the same amount of time by remembering the answers God gave to me in prayer and going about achieving my goals.
In ten years I have a successful, happy marriage under my belt and four beautiful, intelligent, well-loved children who know the answers to questions many adults don't. They have focus and strong consciences and good manners. I have had two businesses I've started from scratch and sold. I've changed a lot of bad habits and immature attitudes. I've given much service. I have educated myself on quite a few subjects and built many close friendships. I know exactly what I want from the future and who I want to be.
ALL OF THAT I owe to God and to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
That said, I did not join because of what I thought the church could do for me. I joined because something powerful pierced my heart and my soul and whispered, "This is the truth you've been looking for." At sixteen years of age, I had many objections to the church. I had strong opinions about right and wrong. Each time I was taught something new my heart would inexplicably soften and I knew I had been wrong. I just knew. And while it all seemed too good to be true ("A living prophet?!) I was not surprised at all that the truth had found me, literally knocked on my door, because I knew as early as 7-years-old that if anyone would find it, it would be me.
I'm so grateful for the wisdom and maturity I have to not dismiss the principles I learn at church just because they grate upon my feminist leanings (abortion) or because they seem intrusive and illogical ("Mormon underwear"). I know that I'm only one person with one opinion and just because I feel a certain way doesn't make it true. Thankfully, there's a monumental difference between my personal feelings and the feelings I get from the Holy Ghost. THERE'S NO COMPARISON.
The Holy Ghost is what humbles me when I think I'm right. The Holy Ghost is what changes all my feelings and thoughts when I attend General Conference and causes me to walk out a different person. The Holy Ghost calms me with peace when I'm racked with anger or guilt, and the change happens in the span of one prayer. The Holy Ghost brings pure intelligence to my mind, thoughts that are not my own because I have no way of knowing them. The Holy Ghost has saved the lives of my children more than once, by speaking this pure intelligence to my mind.
I am full of joy and peace like I never was when I was a sultry teenager who bowed down to intellectualism and sexuality. That joy and peace is worth trading EVERYTHING else. I would much rather be a firm, conservative, matter-of-fact joyful Mormon living a life that appears to some to be stifled than to be a coffee- and wine-loving, Sarte-quoting woman ready to sleep with people as she sees fit, drenched in the illusion of no eternal consequences.
I'm SO happy.
Whatever my non-Mormon friends are thinking or feeling about what's right and wrong and what's desirable or not, I have probably felt at some point or another.
In my experience, this is better.
Do not confuse me to mean that I think The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is right for everyone, right now. I don't. People are more complicated than that.
But it MIGHT be right for you and you just don't know it because you haven't experimented upon it. Reading WhyMormonsSuck.com is not exactly a pure experiment. ;-)
I gain nothing by asking you to experiment upon it. Nothing. No reward in heaven. No free trip to Hawaii, darn it. It doesn't boost my opinion of my own choices. I don't feel validated every time another person joins my church. I'm so much more self-confident than that.
Like Oprah who shares her Favourite Things every November, raving so passionately about Uggs that everyone has to find out for themselves, and like I rave about a certain song or recipe, I'm sharing this with you. It's the best Favourite Thing I could ever share.
I would die for the gospel's sake if it came down to it. I love Jesus Christ whom I strongly believe is a real, glorified man who lives somewhere tangible, unseen to us now. I love my church leaders who have sacrificed their lives to serve God and the world. I love my husband who joined the church at 19, committing himself to a life without coffee, earl grey tea, drugs or alcohol and committed to a chaste life when he, sexy Californian-surfer-dude-like guy that he was, had many other prospects. He is an inspiration to me, a jewel.
I have never once regretted becoming a Mormon.
If you are wondering why and want to experiment upon it yourself, you can get yourself a free Book of Mormon, read some of it, and pray about it, sincerely and honestly. I recommend reading Alma 32 and Moroni 10:3-5. The seventh chapter of Moroni caused me to cry and whip out my pink highlighter when I read it begrudgingly, shortly before the missionaries came.
And if that's not enough of my thoughts on the matter, and you want even more, here is a video I made a few months ago, when I had braces.
That is my heart. Be gentle with it. :-)
Love,
Natasha.
