Instruction Book for Jude in The Event of My Death

Dearest Jude,

I might die one day.  No, that's not meant to be a joke-- it IS still yet to be determined.  I could be translated right up into the sky like the entire city of Enoch; it may not be a likely scenario but don't write me off just yet, huh?  Also, Christ might come in a couple of years and kick off the super-cool Millenium.  OR... science could get really kicky soon and offer some cell refurbishing-- get rid of my drooping eyelids, furrow wrinkles, grow my hair back, and pretty up my liver.  It's not outside the realm of possibilities.

BUT.  If I do die, there are a few things I want you to know.

1. You have to get married again.  While I'd like you to marry Sara because she'd make you laugh and would be a great mother, and she's so warm and forgiving of people's foibles, she deserves someone who isn't hung up on his dead wife.  She will be too good for you in that respect.  So, you should find a nice widow on LDSsingles.com.  No, that's not weird.  It's reaching into a larger pool of fish.  Sure, you could go to the pet store and pick out a fish, or you could go to the ocean.  You're more likely to find someone better than me at the ocean than the pet store.  You also have my permission to find someone even younger than me.  A few years ago that would have broken some laws, I think, but now I'm getting to a respectable age, it just might work.
   
2. You have to learn how to do pony tails, okay?  Braiding you can get away with not learning but ponytails are a must. And learn to use that hair straightener on Josie's thick hair.  When children look unkempt, they are not treated as well by teachers and other adults as children who look more tidy.  Unfair, but true.
   
3. You have to water the plants on the kitchen island or they'll die.  I know that doesn't seem fair to give you more lives to maintain, but I can't water them from where I am.  I'm kinda busy becoming awesome.  Seriously, start watering the plants now and then, okay?
   
4. You have my permission to tweet for me on Twitter so I can beat death.  Nothing says addiction like Twittering from your grave. 
   
5. The best gifts can be found on Etsy and I'd prefer it if you'd support budding artists and artisans and stay at home moms over big box department stores.  Keep that in mind when picking gifts for the kids. Especially the girls. My favourites area has a bunch of great stuff.
   
6. Please don't let my girls become catty, jealous types.  Please emphasize kindness and intelligence over looks when you compliment them.  But know that they're going to probably fight over clothes.  When I figure out the answer to that, I'll stop by for a visit.  I'll be the translucent one.
   
7. Make sure the girls read Little Women before they leave the house for university.  The Penguin copy with all my highlighting.  The one you bought me when I was 17ish.
   
8. As if I care what kind of casket I'm in.  No matter what you put me in, my complexion will look terrible against the backdrop.  Save the money for LDSsingles.com.
   
9. I'm sorry about the giant photo mess on our computers.  I haven't developed photos in years, nor have I categorized them.  I really was terrible at that, huh?  But instead of being annoyed, remember:  I took all those photos. You did not.  Without me, there wouldn't even BE any photos, or kids to take photos of, or fantastic birthday parties decorating those photos.
   
10. You have to press *82 and then *98 to get to our phone messages.  The *82 is what we press to make our private number show up on call display.  Follow the prompts from there.

I'm sure I will continue this list as the months and years go on.  How practical am I??

Love, 'Tasha.

Daily Gratitudes

1. Dancing with Jude this morning to Wondering Where the Lions Are, in the kitchen, as it came on CBC Radio 2. Why were we listening to newsy Radio 1 all these years?  Music is a much better way to start the day than news about the American economy and another homicide in Alberta.
2. My kids have good manners.  I think.  I'm pretty sure.
3. My planter's fasciatis in my foot is better.  Might get the missionaries to walk the dog tomorrow.
4. Sleeeeeeeeeeeeep.  In my cooozy bed.
5. My Twitter friends.  They're fun.  xo, Twitter Friends!