One of my most favourite people in the world is Cathy Patterson. Cathy is funny, strong, moral, ambitious, intelligent, warm, and pretty non-judgmental. I used to consider Cathy my best friend. We spoke many times a day, about our businesses, about our kids, about Grey's Anatomy-- important stuff.
Then, last Halloween she phoned with devastating news I somehow already knew (I'll never understand how I knew and it haunts me): her boy Callum had died at more than 8 months gestation. And the next day, November 1st, Cathy birthed Callum, her stunningly beautiful newborn who would never feel her kiss.
The pain and depression I experienced for her was so bad that it horrifies my soul and my heart to know it was nothing compared to what she has endured for one year, with no answers. No clue as to how this happened, after tests and soul-searching.
Cathy and I have not talked much this year. I would read her blog and then leave comments from my heart, with the best of intentions that sometimes came up way short of "getting it". She didn't need me and my misunderstandings. She needed women who knew exactly how she felt. She found wonderful, much-needed support through blogging. NO ONE SHOULD SAY THAT THESE ONLINE FRIENDSHIPS WE FORM ARE NOT "REAL". They are real for me, real for Cathy and they can be anyone's daily salvation, if necessary.
We emailed occasionally. I phoned a few times and she didn't pick up.
Then a couple of days after school started, Lulu was playing with the phone. I heard a "Hello?" I pulled the phone out of Lulu's hands and said hello back. "Who is this?" I asked. "Cathy," she said. My mind raced. I had just finished posting something on my blog about being sexually abused as a kid and the real name of my aunt in the post is "Cathy". I was afraid my mom read my blog and then contacted Cathy about it and she had phoned me. And as ridiculously unlikely as that was, I guess I thought it was more likely than Cathy answering her phone! :-)
In order to phone her, Lulu had to press the address button, then scroll down to Cathy's number, then press Talk. Someone please explain to me how that happened because it sounds impossible to me.
Cathy answered. My dear Cathy.
It was wonderful to talk to her again. Surreal that one year has gone by already. It's been so hard on her and I've been unable to do nothing to help which I find more frustrating than I can possibly describe.
Now, Cathy is trying to do something to help this cause of stillbirth research. Hardly anything is done to find out why babies die for no apparent reason in utero. So much money has been put into figuring out the causes of SIDS but more babies die from stillbirth. It makes me wonder: Are babies valued more after they get to live for a bit? I hope not because that would be ridiculous. Moms know the babies they grow.
Cathy had a fantastic sling business. (Yes, that's me on the home page.) She made, I dare say, the best slings on the market: very stylish, very thick and solid, very practical. But in the aftermath of her loss, she was unable or unwilling to maintain the business herself. She gifted it to the loving and very capable hands of Cheryl.
Cheryl is making a beautiful, sophisticated sling and donating all proceeds to stillbirth research in Callum's name. It's so generous of Cheryl, a busy mom to donate her time like that.
If you've been looking for a baby sling for wearing your baby or you need a baby shower gift, please consider this sling.
My dear friend Cathy is agnostic, but I'm not. I ask for your prayers on her behalf. Please pray for answers, hope, and peace for her and her family.
I did not link to her blog because I worry that my readers might try to offer her religious explanations or-- Heaven forbid-- say something like, "He's in a better place" as if being with his mom would not be best? If not, why have any of us lived?
I don't know any readers who would say or do that but I can't say I know everyone who doesn't comment.
And if anyone hurt Cathy, I'd have to verbally kick their guts.
Daily Gratitudes
1. I'm married to a dog man with a big heart.
2. I've never lost a child although I almost wish I had so I could really be there for Cathy.
3. Halloween is over.
4. Sleeping in.
5. My friend Mary for babysitting my kids today so we could surprise them with a dog.
