Becoming Something

Hmm. Tempting, but no. I don't want a declawed dog.

I put an ad on Kijiji asking for a golden retriever/mix puppy with NO vaccinations because I wanted to vaccinate it no earlier than 16 weeks.  (I did some research.)

Then I got this response:

Hi,my name is Moses ... i have the puppy health is %100 OK! (+1 year health Guarantee), 1st shots, 11 weeks older CKC registered, de-wormed, de-clawed. Baby is so animated and will keep you entertained for hours. She really had her own distinct personality.Loving and very affectionate personalites are standard with other animals. She is very affectionate and like to give kisses all the time.

So, basically I have the chance to get a mutilated dog with no claws (people DO that?! It's painful enough and terrible enough with cats that a lot of vets won't do it.  But DOGS?!!) that has no personality (note the past tense in the paragraph), who constantly wants to suck face.  And in case I would not be interested in THIS animal, the writer lets me know that there are "other animals" that are loving and very affectionate.

Well, good then. I'll hold out for that one. WITH claws.  Because I tend to think that God gave dogs claws for a reason that doesn't become irrelevant when the animals are made tame.  And lots of dog owners have wood floors like me and say that their floors are just fine.

(Warning:  If you write me to argue about this declawing, I will not be shy in my attempt to make you feel guilty and it will be along the lines of how the animals MUSCLES get affected for the worse when their claws are removed.) 

No, I think we found our dog.  (SHHHHH!  Don't tell the kids!!!!)  She's a golden retriever/lab mix (perfect!) and she's almost 9 weeks old. And Jude has the next two weeks off so it's a perfect time to bring a puppy home and pee pee train it.  Then we can deal with the sleepless nights.

Check her out (I want to rub my face all over her.  Well, almost all over):

I think we're going to name her Izzy.  Izzy!!

The only thing I'm nervous about?  The constant exercise these dogs need.  I've read that they need about a half hour walk in the morning and 45 min to an hour in the evening.  OR, you can play fetch with them and that takes a lot less time.  If you don't exercise them enough they get destructive and hyper.  And you can't just put them in the backyard and call that exercise, unless they're really running around there.  I've thought of getting two dogs so they can entertain each other more but sheesh, my house is only 1670ish square feet.  (JQ, I have a feeling you can correct me on that.  JQ and I have the same house model.) 

Can't I put the dog on a treadmill?  Wouldn't she think that was fun?  How would she know that dogs aren't supposed to be on treadmills?  Do dogs tell each other these things while they're sniffing each other's butts?

I don't mind too much taking the dog for daily walks, even though I think walking is so boring.  It's more that I have to bring the kids with me.  In the winter.  Ya, that's going to work well with a dog bigger than my 3-year old.  At least I have my iPod and Audible.  And I probably can sacrifice some of my Twitter time, I guess. 

While I may have trouble committing to boring walking, I am committed to making the dog's food myself.  There is commercial food that is made in Alberta without fillers and it's mostly meat.  I'm going to buy that.  The rest of the time I will be making beef or turkey with food grade bone meal and brown rice with veggies.  It's not that big a deal and I've done it before for my cat (please don't ask-- it's an embarrassing story).

Because, the thing is, I hate bad dog breath.  It's easily the worst thing about dogs, after shoe eating.  And I want it to have healthy skin and eyes and digestive system.  And if I feed it by-products unfit for human consumption, I'm going to eventually have a dog with the aforementioned problems.  Dogs can even eat raw wild meat.  (I'm afraid that store-bought meat has too much bacteria and I don't want to soak it in grapeseed extract.  Please.  I'm not prepared to give up that much Twittering.)  And I'm not going to spend $300 on a dog just to feed it garbage, when I can thankfully afford to not feed it garbage. (I never thought I'd be the kind of person who'd buy a dog outside the SPCA/Humane Society.  I used to be very judgmental about that.  Now that I have kids, I get it.) $300 is a very good price, by the way.

Now I have a ton more research to do. 

Please be sure to check out my weird/potentially embarrassing fundraiser from yesterday.

Daily Gratitudes

1. Keyboards. So much faster than pen and paper.
2. Soon, Halloween will be over.  Halloween is so annoying.
3. Jude has a two week vacation coming up!!  That almost never happens.  (Whoa.  Did you notice how I just ended each of those gratitudes with complainy, negative comments?  Ooops.)
4. Healthy children.
5. A warm home.

Dumb made-up word that eats at my soul each time I hear it.

There are things that people say in Alberta that people in Ontario don't.  I'm from Northern Ontario, so I would know.

"Ginch" and "gonch" = underwear.  Gross, right?  I am way to classy to wear "gonch".  Not too classy to eat food I've dropped on the floor BUT... if I bent over to pick it up, I can guarantee you'd not be looking at my "gonch".  I don't do "gonch".

There's a phrase worse than that word, if you can even imagine, that stabs at my ears and eats at my soul every time I hear it. 

You ready for it?

Your guys's.

"Let's go to your guys's house." 

It's like slang that's... slanged.  Slang squared.  You can't make slang MORE slang.  Okay, that's not true.  "Effing" has become slang for "f'ing" which is slang for a bad word I won't use.  But that's more an evolution of language than slang that's been slanged.  And yes, I know "slanged" is not a word.  You know why it isn't?  Because there doesn't exist ONE word that means "slang made more slangy" because it's not a practice that should exist in the first place. 

I had roommates that used this phrase every day and I do believe it may be the very reason that one of them is still unmarried.  Kidding!  That was a bad joke.  There's no good reason why she's not married.

It's pronounced like "your guises", which does actually make sense but not in the sentences in which they use it:

"Where's your guises car?"  Um, my "guise" is not a tangible thing, you know.  It doesn't have a job, can't buy a car.

So, I guess they don't know that "your" can be plural.  Kind of like how in French you say "ils" when speaking to more than one "he" but it sounds exactly the same as "il" which is one "he".  You just have to KNOW that the speaker is referring to more than one person, thanks to a little something called...

context. 

Lesson for the day:  Trust that those to whom you're directing speech are bright enough to understand the context of "your".

Daily Gratitudes

1. Relief.
2. Leftovers.
3. Creamy Dill chips.
4. Sunsets from my bedroom window, seen from my bed as I'm maxin' and relaxin' with my boyfriend, Laptop.
5. The way my husband's top lip is bigger than his bottom and all soft and luscious.

For Mike and other men: Saving marriages, one cooking lesson at a time.

A couple of nights ago, at an hour when only Brett, Mike, witches and vampires, and I, were up, I had this conversation on Twitter with Mike.  The @ symbol means the comment is directed to the name that follows.  Mike's Twitter name is ihenpecked and mine is SomethingGirl. You would have likely figured that out but I just wanted to make it clear in case someone like my aunt is reading. The aunt who said I looked good for having five kids.  Seeing as I have only four kids, I figure that's like saying I don't look a day over 30, when I'm actually 28.  Nice of her to pay attention. :-P

ihenpecked: Which packaged dinner do I feed my kids tonight? I'm so bad.

somethinggirl: @ihenpecked We're having frozen pizza. Where's your wife? I take it she usually cooks? I could give you some easy, impressive recipes...

ihenpecked: @SomethingGirl I do cook, honest. Tonight's been one of those nights.

somethinggirl: @ihenpecked Well, you show yourself in the kitchen like you're commander of all things culinary. Would be sad to disappoint. (Referring to the photo below, taken from Mike's blog.)

ihenpecked: @SomethingGirl Alright, for you, some Sloppy Mac coming right up.

ihenpecked: @SomethingGirl But seriously [reduces voice to a whisper for fear of losing his man card] please give me some recipes.

---

Jude wants to know what "Sloppy Mac" is. Is that a combo of sloppy joes and mac & cheese (called "Kraft Dinner" in more civilized parts of the world)?  Because that sounds so disgusting that a tear trickled out of my left eye for Mike's children.

Anyway, I haven't had time to put together how-toS on recipeS, plural, because I'm occupied with being depressed right now (no, don't ask, it's none of your business and I mean that in the politest way). 

But, I am showing Mike and all you other husbands who could stand to impress your wives a little, how to make a perfect company-worthy dish: Spanakopita (pronounced spah-na-KAW-pee-ta), or "spinach pie", except that this version is not at all a pie.

It's perfect because it's:

• darn tasty
• inexpensive to make
• very healthy
• pretty fool proof
• quick
• impressive-looking
• freezes well
• reheats well
• nice and portable for a lunch
• triangular
• darn tasty
• Greek

1.   Assemble the following ingredients:

• 1 average-sized pkg of baby spinach leaves, chopped up
• 1 leek sliced finely, which should be about 1/3 the amount of chopped spinach
• about 2 cups of crumbled high quality feta.  (If you see the brand I've shown in the photo below, buy it.  It's superior to any other feta I've had, including that which is sold at Costco.)
• about 1 cup of shredded mozzarella
• about 1 cup of Thompson raisins (I have a bias towards Thompsons.)  Even if you don't like raisins in salads and stuff like me, please try it with the raisins.  It just adds some sweet to the savory. It has a nice bite, not too hard.  I usually hate raisins in dishes but I love them here.
• about 1/2 cup of fresh dill, chopped
• an egg white, lightly whisked
• phyllo pastry sheets 
• about 1/2 cup melted butter, maybe more

 

2.  Mix it up.  (Duh.)  It should have the basic proportions so as to resemble this:

3.  Lay out your phyllo pastry sheets, one at a time.  I've only covered my countertop with saran wrap because it's honed granite, as opposed to polished, and it soaks in butter like the desert soaks up water.  You don't have to lay down any saran wrap if this situation does not apply to you.  Keep the remainder of the phyllo moist under a damp tea towel.  It dries out very quickly, being as thin as paper and all that.

Brush the sheet of phyllo with butter and then layer another sheet overtop.  It doesn't have to be a perfect demonstration of layering.  Even if the sheet tears, no big deal. Just put the pieces together as best you can.  Brush that sheet with butter and then add a third layer of phyllo. Brush it with butter, too.

(See how it's torn?  Totally doesn't matter as long as each sheet is not torn in the exact same place.)

4.  Slice into thirds thusly.

5.  Spoon about this much onto the bottom right hand corner of the first third.

6.  And now a video on how to roll it:

7.  Place on untreated baking sheet and bake for about 7-10 minutes at 350 degrees.  The edges will look lightly toasted.

And let me tell you, it has such a nice bite to it.

---

Mike, you are welcome.  I expect a reprint in the Sunday edition of the Democrat Herald, in the Awesome section, front page. (Please don't tell me your family is allergic to wheat or spinach or something....)

Daily Gratitudes

1. My camera.
2. My van.
3. Typepad.
4. Prayer.
5. The speed at which my hair grows out.  Don't ever let me cut my hair short again, please.

Things I know to be true. Unfortunately.

People are complicated.

Sometimes Life sucks.

What the world needs now is love, sweet love.  It's the only thing that there's just too little of.  Except for Fall. There's too little of Fall.  And Swedish massages.

It's far easier to change our behaviour than to change our feelings.

My cat likes to sleep right where I'm supposed to be sleeping.

I'm not brave enough to parade around town in my pjs even though I'd really appreciate the luxury some days.

Gasoline in Canada has dropped drastically but... so has the dollar, putting a damper on my Etsy coveting tonight.

My 3-year old will wake up tonight and want to sleep in our bed and I'll bring her because I just want to go back to sleep myself.

Even if you're loved by a thousand people, it hurts to lose even one person who loves you well.

Watching someone go through immense pain and being able to do nothing about it is Hell.

Even though babies are the very symbol of Life, they sometimes die for no apparent reason.

One of my children, when she is a teenager, is going to make us want to run away to Anywhere Else.

I'm going to be tired tomorrow.

I still have two weeks plus a few days of getting food all stuck in my braces like I'm storing it there for Winter.

Hurting someone you love can break your heart.

Feet are never all that attractive.

Life can really, really, really suck. 

Daily Gratitudes

1. Life doesn't suck more than it already does.
2. I don't live in the Congo.
3. I have friends who love me and don't judge me.
4. My children are healthy and happy.
5. I can escape every night through sleep.

The things people say.

Me:  I wish we had some pop. Do you have some pop hiding in your car or something? [Translation for you Americans who say "soda": pop=soda.]

Jude:  Nope.  (Thirty seconds later.)  Man, I love cherry juice.  You should try cherry juice.  Pretend like it's cherry cola.

Me:  I don't like cherry cola.

Jude:  Pretend that you do like cherry cola.

Where is the man who used to go to the store for me at all hours for whatever my little heart desired?  Do I have to get pregnant for that?  "Pretend you do like cherry cola."  We should make JUDE the President of the United States. "Pretend there ARE weapons of mass destruction."

---

My dearest friend and funny girl Sara works at a job where funny things happen. I keep trying to convince her that I should be allowed to blog her funny work stories because she could get in trouble if she did it. 

The most recent funny thing was finding out that the woman she works beside is my sister's best friend from when we were 12-14ish.  Her name is Melanie.  When I was a teen I did not like Melanie.  She had an aura of darkness around her like sad, sad people who are negative.

It's unfortunate and also sickly amusing that Melanie has only gotten worse.  Sara has just started writing down some Melanieisms and I would like to take a reverent minute to share them with you.  Be prepared to shake your head.
________________________

Melanie:  I know she's deathly allergic to nuts, but I'm bringing some to work anyway. Because c'mon. What are you going to do?
 
Totally.  Like, if other people are going to die just because I have a penchant for nuts, that's their problem.  Stop being born like that, People.
________________________

Melanie: No, I don't do laundry. I make my husband do it all.  (Okay, well can't blame her for that.  I hate laundry.)

Sara:  Really, your husband does all the laundry?

Melanie:  Yes, because I don't go in my basement.

Sara:  Why?

Melanie:  Because Charlie is down there.

Sara: Who's Charlie?

Melanie: The ghost that lives in my basement.

(Now, you may think that I'm making fun of a person with a mental disability but I am sure this is just for attention. She was like that when she was 13, too.  Or, maybe there's a ghost in her basement.  It could happen.)
________________________

(After they received an email from a girl named Sarah.)
 
Melanie: Who is that Sarah girl? I think I hate her.

Sara:  How can you say you hate her right after you say you don't even know who she is?

Melanie: I'm just like that. I hate a lot of people I don't know. I have to get to know  people and decide if I like them or not.

Sara:  Right, because that's logical.

Melanie:  I'm too old now. It's just easier to hate people.

Sara:  What an awful way to live your life.
________________________

IT'S JUST EASIER TO HATE PEOPLE.  Hmm.  Actually, that is true.  I guess if you hate everyone initially and you question why Sara has so many friends when you only "need one friend" and why she's so "nice to everyone", that makes you a weak person, eh?  Taking the easy road? 

The thing is, the reason I wanted to post this, is to say that this is a diluted example of what my family was like growing up.  Not all of them.  But definitely some of them.

It's so tragic that the only way for me to not be so depressed about this and about Sara having to work with her is to make fun of it.  Especially since Melanie probably hates Sara and I anyway!

And Sara?  The next time you send me a convo, can you please adhere to the quoting format above? :-D  That would make my life so much easier--  I have bon bons to unwrap, you know.  Also, I think you should play this song at work.  She'll either melt, like the Wicked Witch of the West, or it will sink in and she'll start speaking in hearts and rainbows.

Funny but not about sex.

Sorry for the lull.  I've been tired and preoccupied. I fell asleep before 9pm last night, woke up suddenly because I hadn't turned off my laptop, and went back to bed around nine. Nice for a change.

Laughing is always a good way to start and end the day, don't you think?  That's why I like to end mine with The Colbert Report or bantering with my husband.  An example of our banter, taken from Tuesday:

Me:  I'd like to be back in town by 7 for a Relief Society gig.

Jude:  Is this one of those activities where you guys will learn to make a castle out of tinfoil or something?

Me: (I pause to stare at him for a second with narrowed eyes.) No. We're going to take a lesson from your guy get-togethers and just beat each other in the nads with hockey sticks.

Jude:  Good luck finding those nads.

And that's just how we work it.

This morning I went to Dooce.com to catch up on things and found this hilarious reading from David Sedaris on David Letterman.  By the way, I would totally date David Letterman if the issue came up, just so you know.  Because I only thought Matthew McConaughey was very pretty until I saw him on Oprah making her dance this non-dance of a dance, embarrassing them both, and I realized WOW, he is not very smart.  And that just killed it forever right there.  Sorry, Matthew. 

And by "if the issue came up" I mean that I'd be widowed and he'd be somehow available but I wouldn't marry him because I'd have to marry a Mormon because I need that spiritual connection because it's better than all the British accents and sly grins put together. Not that DAVID is British but Jude Law is and I joke that he's my back-up husband when really, that's not true. 

Anyway.

This reading has the word "penis" in it and "condom" but they have nothing to do with sex whatsoever, so don't you worry your little head off about it being inappropriate, especially on the blog of a Mormon who only has sex to make babies and when so spiritually prompted and then it's SO sacred that we feel compelled to sing a hymn afterward and follow that up with a prayer and a fast offering.  I would never expose you to conversations about sex, would I?  Er, right. I guess I already have.  Well, that's why I don't let the teens of the church on my Facebook friends list anymore because I can't block them from seeing links to my blog.

Anyway.

(Am I in a MOOD today or what?  Usually I get Jude to proof these posts for appropriateness but he's not around.... I may feel compelled to delete this later.)

THIS reading is not like that.  It's funny.  And in a roundabout way it's about extreme fashion accessories.

Daily Gratitudes

1. I haven't had to struggle with fertility problems.
2. I can afford to get my kids McDonald's happy meals for lunch because I didn't have any food for their school lunches today because I didn't go to the grocery store last night because I was so exhausted.
3. The Internet and all its conveniences.
4. The miracle of video. How does my camera capture me inside it like that??
5. Connections.

Daily Grudge

If I were to keep my awesome custom-made feminist pjs on all day as I go to the grocery store and the school, I'd feel like a lazy idiot.  I guess I'm not as self-secure as I'd like.

The messes that test my sanity 2.

Mormons store food in case of emergencies of all sorts.  But some people wonder where to store their food if they live an apartment or just don't have a lot of space.  Well, Lulu has a suggestion for you.  Flour can be kept under the dining room table.  JUST LIKE THIS.  As my husband would say, "Intuitive improvisation is the hallmark of genius."

And when you think you want a banana and you start to eat the banana and you realize that you don't really want a banana, Lulu has a suggestion for you.  Everyone has an area of expertise and the creative disposal of bananas is Lulu's.  Simply find the latch on your rustic coffee table or any two objects will do.  Then, place banana inside carefully, as you don't want to dirty your fingers, and SQUISH HARD.  Leave it there and don't tell anyone.  That would ruin the element of surprise.  It's especially delightful when it's discovered when guests are over.

I actually have a whole album of mess photos on Facebook.  I should start transferring them over so you can delight over them as much as I have.  Share the love. That's what I'm all about.

Daily Gratitudes

1. Jude makes the best potato latkes.  I think I may have mentioned this before.  But it's true enough to earn two mentions.
2. My friend Jen. L.  I love that I can trust her.
3. Catching a cold.  Because it's a good excuse to do nothing.  I only have one talent that I know of:  doing nothing. I'm super good at it.
4. My children and the hope that they'll grow up okay and not make us want to smack them all the time.  (NO, we don't smack them all the time.  Only most of the time.  Okay, if you don't know that I'm kidding, you should get better acquainted with me.  I don't smack my kids.  I just WANT to.  Big difference.)
5. THE INTERNET THE INTERNET OH MY GOODNESS THE INTERNET!  (You have no reason to believe I said that in ecstasy.)

How I've been "becoming something" and what I'm working on. (UPDATED in "pants on fire" section.)

Rusty asked me how I've become something better, as relates to the blog title.  It was a very good question.

So, I thought it would be interesting to revisit the past (ugh) and list the ways I've changed for the good and then to outline those things that are currently works in progress.

1.  I burned a lot of pants. I used to lie a lot. (A long time ago, not to worry.) Maybe just as much as a lot of people do, which is a depressing thought to think that most people walk around lying their faces off to protect their pride, get away with sins, and try to MAKE people like them.  Eek. Wouldn't that be awful if it was true?

I would lie about being sick and not being able to make it into school or work.  I would lie about things that I had said to people.  As a teenager, living with my sister's mom (see last post), I lied about visiting my aunt Patty for a week during our Spring break and really I went with my boyfriend and his brother to Quebec and Michigan for a week.  She never even found out.  Kim covered for me.  And there was something else that Kim reminded me of last night. (UPDATED)  This summer when Kim was visiting me, I confessed that I used to use her St. Ives apricot face scrub in the shower and I'd rearrange the soft slob into the shape she had it in just in case she made a certain pattern in it to see if I was using it.  I had my own St. Ives apricot scrub but I liked to use hers out of contempt because we didn't get along regularly back then.  My superiority complex (see below) didn't help with the getting along.  So, I thought that if I thought of things like this, of rearranging soft, mushy face scrub in a plastic tub, in the shower, that Kim would think of that too.  Because dishonest people tend to assume that everyone else is as dishonest as they are.  (From what I've observed/heard.) Also, we once stole a bottle of Aqua Velva for our dad for Christmas.  (I stole here and there as a kid because my mom taught me to.)

Anyway, I absolutely loathe lying.  I rarely ever lie and when I do, it's about something that would be somewhat embarrassing for me but inconsequential to anyone else.  And I feel guilty when I do this and resolve not to do it.  Because when we know we can't lie, when we hold ourselves to a solid standard of truth, it forces us to live the rest of our life with more integrity, to try harder because we can't just say, "Oh, the dog ate my homework" when we don't get that homework done. 

When I ask Jude if I look fat in something, he better say yes if the answer is yes.  I never get mad at him for telling me the truth.  I know I can trust him completely. And then when he says that I look beautiful, I know he means it.

And likewise, I treat other people with the same honesty.  If you ask me if I like your hair and I don't, I will tell you, although I'd be as kind about it as possible.  I don't take requests for honesty as an opportunity to subvert someone's self-confidence so I can feel better than them.  But I do want people to know I'm genuine.  When I say you look fabulous, boy, do I mean it.  When I say anything complimentary, you know I am not flattering you.  So, if people don't want an honest opinion from me, they shouldn't ask.  Lying to people to placate their egos does them no service.  Give me any theoretical scenario (as did an ex-friend who wanted to argue this point with me ad nauseum) and I will hold to that belief and tell you how to respond in a way that's honest and doesn't kill their spirits.

2.  I used to be more critical than I am now.  I'm still hard to please sometimes.  But for the most part, this critical streak has dissipated to a bareable level. And I'm still working on it.  The more depressed I am, the more critical I am.  Now that I'm not depressed anymore, I don't find so many things that bug me.

3.  I used to be exceedingly opinionated and pretty vocally arrogant about it.  I thought it was a good thing to have an opinion on EVERY SINGLE THING.  Certainly I think it's a good thing to have opinions.  People whose minds never close upon any idea are uninteresting conversationalists and must have a difficult time making decisions. But when you've already formed nearly all of your opinions, you're closed off to more possibilities.  It's not impossible for new ideas to permeate your thick skull, but it's harder.  And that means you're not likely to have many friends because you limit yourself to people whose ideas are all the same as yours.  Have you ever known anyone really opinionated who enjoyed it when people disagreed with his or her opinions?  I haven't.  When I was really opinionated I found people who didn't agree with me annoying or stupid.  I can not overemphasize how much happier I am now.

When someone thinks they're superior, that's not something that can be easily hid.  Everyone close to them knows it and other people sense it. (I think that most superiority complexes are really inferiority complexes in disguise.)  And I've noticed something:  It's lonely all the way at the top when so few people are worthy of your companionship because you're just so much smarter/evolved/righteous than the majority of the population.  I'd much rather be happy than be right.

My sister left me this comment that has warmed my heart since I read it weeks ago:

"You know, I like you more and more and more each year. You're still a hundred times smarter than me but it doesn't feel like you are superior anymore. I'm always in awe at some of the things you say because it just makes me realize how much you have evolved into a beautiful person and this post made my cry. Thanks for that."

First of all, I'm not a hundred times smarter than her, not even close.  Kim is very intelligent but doesn't believe in herself as much as she should.  Secondly, I don't think that someone would have said this about me five years ago.  I cried when I read it.  And you know what?  Blog readers and past business clients have said similar things.  I say that not to brag but to marvel.  I wouldn't trade that for any greater degree of intelligence or beauty or talent or perfection.  Would you?  By ceasing my opinionated, arrogant ways, I have surrounded myself with many people who love me and would forgive me of my faults and cry with me when I fall, instead of secretly celebrate a visit from the Humility Fairy.  What is of greater worth than true love and acceptance?  I am extremly blessed. 

4.  I used to be really judgemental because I didn't like myself.  I couldn't accept myself for who I was.  I didn't feel confident enough to be open about my faults.  I worried about what people thought of me, my husband, my kids, my decisions a lot.  Being judgemental of other people allowed me to rank myself higher than them, artificially boosting my self-esteem.  Sigh.  Man, that sucked.

5. Edited to add:  I used to be really gossipy with my best friends.  Now, I hate gossip. Occasionally I say something that I shouldn't and I find that it's always when I'm with someone who I think wants to talk about other people.  I hate this about myself:  If I'm talking with someone and there's a lull in the conversation, I feel like I have to fill it.  I will quickly search my mind for whatever I think that person wants to talk about.  If it's someone who tends to complain and be critical, I will say something complainy and critical.  If it's someone who likes to gossip, I will say something gossip-like.  If it's someone who likes to talk about a certain subject, I'll try to think of something for them.

I have a specific idea of what equals gossip:  something I wouldn't want the person I'm talking about knowing I said.  I don't think that talking about other people automatically equals gossip.  I hate gossip because I don't WANT to dislike people. I don't want extra reasons not to like someone.  I don't want it to be biased against someone.  I don't want it to be a challenge to like them.  People deserve second chances and you never know when someone is working hard to change themselves just as you have.

Those are the biggest changes I can think of.

As for what I'm working on?  Ha. LOTS. In no particular order:

1.  Working on complaining less.  I'm making some headway but there's a lot of room for improvement.
2.  Getting fit.
3.  Being more patient and active with my children.  Actually, I've been really patient for about 6 weeks, which is coincidentally when the kids went back to school. ;-)
4.  Being more organized.
5.  Giving more service.
6.  Making more healthy meals for my family that we all like.  Making muffins and such things for lunch.
7.  Becoming better at managing our money.
8.  Increasing my spirituality and knowledge.
9.  Gaining a better work ethic and pushing through my distate for stuff.  I want to be more like my husband. 

Oh, I have more faults.  But these are the things on my immediate personal to-do list.  And it's all in good time.  I tend to think that people are where they need to be for a reason.  Maybe I've been so lax this summer because last year was so stressful;  I only just sold my online business in June. 

Daily Gratitudes

1. Still no snow.  I'm very worried about the snow coming because I've been associating it with a very difficult and depressing last winter.  Last winter when I was losing my mind.  I'm afraid that if the snow comes I'll be depressed and crazy again.
2. Lulu's soft, kissable cheeks and adorable voice.  I love how she and Daisy can't say their S's very well.
3. Lulu gets her cast off today.
4. We don't have lice.  We had a minor lice scare and, as I suspected, we don't have lice.  Big PHEWF.
5. The people who love me.  Going through most of my life feeling pretty unloved, I can't tell you how wonderful it feels to be loved.  THANK YOU!
6. (Bonus) Typepad's new editor now lets me centre stuff at the click of one button.

Okay, I have to tell you the funniest thing.

This won't be AS funny to you as it is to me but it's still funny.  Objectively speaking. I think.

Okay, so my sister, I've said before, is really my cousin/adopted half sister.  I said I'd explain it and even though it doesn't directly have to do with this story, you might write me and say, "Oh, is she your half sister?" and then I'd have to explain anyway.  So, my sister's dad and my dad are brothers. But her dad died when she was two when he drove off a cliff on his snowmobile.  Her mom and my dad then got together (shortly thereafter).  They lived together for about 11 years common law and then got engaged.  About a year later, they split up.  During most of that time, Kim thought my dad was her real dad.  She called him "dad" and they had the same last name.  Get it?  And by the time she knew the truth, it didn't really matter anymore.  He was the only dad she knew.  And even though he was really MY dad, he was more of a dad to HER.

Okay, anyway.  I lived with them from age 12 until 14 when they split. Then, I left my dad too and went with Kim's mom.  SHE WAS MY MOM, essentially, for two and a half or so years.  Remember that.

(See how I spoke of all that as if it was no big deal, like this sort of family is commonplace? Ha. You get used to the crazy.)

Funny part entering... now.

Kim moved to British Columbia this summer.  I'm soooo proud of her for making the big scary trek across the country with her husband and 3-year old son.  She left all her family and friends and headed into the unknown.  Her mother tried to talk her out of it, saying how expensive it would be and everything.  And I guess I did have that in mind when I was commenting on Kim's photos that she posted on Facebook recently.

But really, I was trying to be silly.

So, here's one photo and what follows is the comment I left on her photo.

Ugh. This place is so ugly-- what were you thinking? Look at all that gross green stuff. And your sky there is BLUE?!? What's up with that? Stupid goodfornothing trees... Trees suck. Who needs trees? And look at that WATER. What a waste of space.

You're crazy for wanting to live there.

Oh, so what. I see goats on roofs all the time. Who DOESN'T have a goat living on her roof? PLEASE. When you get a photo of a unicorn on a roof, let me know.

Why are you wasting my time with photos of sheer ugliness and boring stuff I see ALL THE TIME. My nearest local restaurant? It has DRAGONS living on it. WITH a forest. AND a mountain. And yodeling women with long yellow braids. So there. And you thought a GOAT with GRASS was special. You poor, poor thing. Living in ugly British Columbia with all that clean air. (Rolling my eyes at the clean air.)

Now, it did occur to me that Kim's mom, who commented on the photos first and would then get a notification saying that I had commented too, would not understand what I was doing here.  But then I thought, NAH. After all, she must know that I know dragons are not real.  It's just so ridiculous.

WELL.

Shortly before I left the comments, I requested for Kim's mom to be my Facebook friend.  I'd been waiting for her to get on for a year.  She was my mom for years and I've phoned over the years to talk to her to catch up.  I sensed that she didn't care about me as much as I cared for her but I'm used to that-- it's the story of my life.

Kim said that her mom totally didn't get it. She couldn't believe that I'd be "so rude and sarcastic!"  She just thought that I was being mean.  Kim tried to defend me but her mom didn't get it!  She didn't believe her.  Then Kim tried to explain that I've changed a lot over the years and that we get along great.  Her mom was skeptical still and said, "Well, I took the high road and just didn't add her to my friends list."

Please. Burst out laughing for me.  Because that is the only appropriate response here.

Kim and I laughed but mostly I did.  I laughed so hard that tears were coming out of my eyes.  I mean, DRAGONS AREN'T REAL. UNICORNS AREN'T REAL. THE SKY IS SUPPOSED TO BE BLUE.  I LIKE TO BREATHE AIR. AND WATER? NOT REALLY A "WASTE OF SPACE", MORE LIKE... ESSENTIAL TO ALL LIFE.

I was saying the opposite of what I really meant.  OBVIOUSLY.  Maybe I've watched too many episodes of Stephen Colbert. 

I was only trying to make Kim laugh and of course she did.

I just couldn't believe that her mom would not get it.  Kim said, "Well, she doesn't watch The Colbert Report. She watches The Young & The Restless." (No offence, Sara.)

And still, I was hurt that this maternal figure in my life would treat me like just some friend of Kim's.  Because she THOUGHT I was snotty on some photo comments?  Boy, some people are so fickle.

Lulu is now without a shoulder because I ate it.

I carry Lulu to the school to go get her older sister. 

"Why are you carrying me?"

"Because we have to hurry."

I know what she's thinking.  She's thinking that I don't always want to carry her.  Lately, as we've arrived at school, she's been asking me to carry her and I say no, she has to walk. Then she says, Nooooo! Carry me!  I do.  Because I like to shoot myself in the foot.  I like my kids to think they can make me do anything with a calculating whine.

We get back into the van, Daisy in hand.  As I'm buckling up Daisy, behind my driver's seat, Lulu looks at me and says to Daisy, "Mommy likes to carry me." (All proud and innocent.)

"Yes, Lulu, I do like to carry you. But sometimes I can't carry you because I'm holding some bags or boxes.  I carry you sometimes but not all the time."  She's looking at me with narrowed eyes, as if she doesn't understand.  So, I repeat myself, "I can't carry you when I'm carrying bags."

Again with the narrowed eyes. She stares.  I wait.  I wait for her to say anything, respond, give me a clue about what's hanging her up.  She doesn't say anything, frozen with the narrowed eyes and a very serious mouth.

I get into the front seat. 

Suddenly, Lulu smiles, chuckles, and says in this wise way, like I was trying to pull one over on her, "Noooo.  You can carry me when you're holding bags.  You like carrying me."

And then I ate her shoulder because it was a part of her cuteness and a part I figured she could do without.  NOT consuming her in that moment was not an option.  If she gets any cuter, she will be dead and I in jail.

Highly recommended free ebook download.

This is good reading.  Seth Godin is an innovation genius.  He created a Ning group (kind of like Facebook and may I also throw in here that I was an early adopter of the Ning Network Creators?) and had all sorts of people who are interested in online stuff, marketing, idea generating join and share ideas.  Then he turned some of them into this ebook.

If it's not your cup of tea, that's fine. But it's worth checking out.

Belated Thanksgiving List of Frivolous Gratitude

Canadian Thanksgiving was this past weekend and I was tired and busy and didn't post.  So, here's my belated list of things for which I'm grateful:

1. "Canada will always be the true north, strong and free." So said Stephen Harper just moments ago at about 10:48pm.  So, I'm grateful that our country is not going to disappear like the island on Lost, if someone goes under ground in only a cropped parka and turns an old creaky gear.  Canada will always truly remain in the north. PHEWF!
2. I now have my online testimony video transcribed in FRENCH.  Don't ask.
3. I finally found the right shade of blond. 
4. I'm married to the kind of man who, when finds some random kid's poop-filled underwear in the church bathroom, with poop smeared on the toilet and on the floor, CLEANS IT HIMSELF because he wonders "who else is going to do it"?  That's the kind of guy he is.  He treats all of life that way and rarely does it grudgingly.  AMAZING.  There's no WAY I would have cleaned that poop.
5. All the stores who provide Halloween costumes so I don't have to make them. Wasn't that kind of them?  HOW DID THEY KNOW?!
6. The US election for providing so much quality entertainment. Those mavericks! Also, our church primary is considering asking Sarah Palin to play the descante to I Am a Child of God on her flute, in her beauty pageant bathing suit of course, for our sacrament presentation.  I think we have some pull because I can see Alaska from my house!  So, you know.  We're tight like that.
7. All of my kids are potty trained.  I still shed a tear now and then.  No more beautiful words have ever been uttered than these of my last child: "Mommy, I have to go pee!"
8. Brownie and cheesecake goes really well together.  Like, REALLY well.  If anyone wants to know what to get me for Christmas: ask Rachel W. to make her brownie and cheesecake thing again for me.  I'll even share a quarter of a piece with you.
9. Gmail, my nearly eternal companion.  I'll tell Jude not to be jealous, but it will be hard. 
10. My ridiculously comfortable bed.  Good night.

♥ Check out the hip shirt my friend Pam made me! ♥

My stunningly beautiful friend Pam (nope, not that one, the other one-- from Boston) made and sent me this hip t-shirt as a giftie and it arrived on Friday.  Yay!  Pam is such a doll and I regret that we don't live next to each other as we would totally be best friends if we did.  And so would our beautiful daughters. (We each have three daughters who are around the same ages!)

Pam runs an Etsy shop called i love plum with cute, cute fabric appliqued children's wear.  I love the creamy chocolatey colour she chose for my shirt.  And I loved all the little tags and wrapping she used, to throw some love into it like she does with everything.  Her husband is so lucky, man, and I hope he realizes it.  She is a prize-- a goddess of a woman with all sorts of domestic talents, a great personality and sense of humour and striking looks to boot.  Or, to kiss, I imagine. ("To boot"-- what does that mean, really?)

Here are some photos:

MWAH! Thanks, Pam!!  I love it and will treasure it, treating it as well as I do my best laundry and not the stuff that I let languish with stains to be treated ONE DAY or the stuff that hangs out at the floor of my bedroom closet because I'm so lazy.  Thank you for taking the time to make me something. I love you! ♥

Funny conversation between my friend Sara and I.

Sara:  So, for Emmilia's wedding we got our make-up done at the Clinique counter at Sears and it's free but it's expected that you'll buy something after.  And the woman who was doing my make-up said, 'Do you exfoliate?'  I said, 'No, not really.' and she said, 'Uh, ya. You should.'

Me:  [Laugh.] I didn't used to exfoliate but I notice a big difference now when I do.

Sara:  Ya, so at the end she said, 'So, what do you want to buy?'  And I said, 'Apparently, I'm going to buy exfoliating cream.'

Me:  [Laugh.] And does it work?  Do you feel any different?

Sara:  Ya.  It gets all tingly and makes me feel clean.

Me:  You know that's probably psychological, right?

Sara:  Ya, I know. But I like it.  It feels good.

Me:  Well, I guess that's fine.  An orgasm doesn't last long either.  And what's the point of that?  It just feels good, that's all. 

Sara:  Ya, and it's free.

Me:  Right.  It's totally free.

Sara:  Although some people pay for it.

Me:  That's true.  Some people spend A LOT.

And then we laughed and laughed.

And I realize now, that I didn't even think of this from a male point of view.

Is effort a myth? (Seth Godin)

I lovelovelove Seth Godin. It's amazing to me that he's not more revered. Why don't I ever see him on tv?  I don't even see his name pop up in Inc magazine much.  If at all, actually...  And have I not had him in my blogroll before?!  He's the only blogger who comes to my inbox directly via FeedBlitz.  (Which, incidentally, you can do with MY blog.  See that upper right hand corner?  Doesn't that sound appealing?)

This might sound somewhat arrogant and it's not meant to:  I relate to his brain.  I just relate to how he thinks and some of the things he thinks about.  I may have sold my business but I predict I'll always be interested in the psychology of marketing. 

Anyway, here is an AWESOME blog post about effort vs. luck.  It's pretty short and very readable.  I like how he points out that a political candidate can't get where she does on a wink and a smile alone.

I like this:

"The thing about luck is this: we're already lucky. We're insanely lucky that we weren't born during the black plague or in a country with no freedom. We're lucky that we've got access to highly-leveraged tools and terrific opportunities. If we set that luck aside, though, something interesting shows up.

Delete the outliers--the people who are hit by a bus or win the lottery, the people who luck out in a big way, and we're left with everyone else. And for everyone else, effort is directly related to success. Not all the time, but as much as you would expect. Smarter, harder working, better informed and better liked people do better than other people, most of the time."