I'm debating posting this even as I'm writing it because it's so embarrassing.
I've said before that it takes me hours to really wake up in the morning, made even worse when I stay up until 1am, as I did last night, because I require a lot of downtime. I may seem like I'm extroverted but I really get my energy from being alone. And being at home all day with four little people saps my energy. Then I stay up late. I've been doing that a lot this week, the end of summer wearing on me.
So, I was sitting in church this morning and 2-year old Lulu was being frustrating, climbing all over me, not listening, groping me as usual, hitting me when I told her she had to sit with me and not waaay out on the floor that was available because we were in the very first pew, and saying "Pooh pooh!" People overhearing this wouldn't know that she got "pooh pooh" from Madeleine. They'd probably think she was doing a little kid version of swearing.
So, this teenage boy was sitting beside me and I was thinking of cracking a joke about giving her away, putting her up for adoption. It wouldn't have even been a funny joke in the first place because so many parents say it like it's just sooo funny, as if no one has ever cracked that joke before. Not very original. In my mind I was thinking, wouldn't it be funny if we just gave her away to the first person beside us and that person was a teenage boy and I was picturing him adopting Lulu and this was a mildly funny thought to me. I'm easily amused when I'm tired. And seriously, I don't know what I was thinking-- this isn't even funny. Just stupid.
So, after sighing in frustration over Lulu, which he may or may not have noticed, I turn to him and say like I'm soooo hilarious,
"Have you ever wanted to be a young father? I can make that happen.... She is up for adoption."
BUT.
There was about two seconds that elapsed before I qualified the statement by referring to Lulu's adoption. In that two seconds he looked at me and smiled and I wasn't sure if there was a slight flicker of confusion in his eyes or amusement. I thought he was following my thinking, so being silly I narrowed my eyes, raised my eyebrows, smiled slightly and nodded my head slowly. I was thinking I was communicating, "Oh yes. She belongs to your family now. You think she's so cute? You get to try to clean her pen stains out of your sofa slipcovers now."
My eyes bugged out about four seconds LATER when I realized that this dramatic, silly gesturing of mine could EASILY have been translated into a Mary Kay Latourneau come on, especially following the first part of my sentence.
As my face burned with embarrassment, and I hoped that he didn't think I added the part about Lulu being up for adoption to chicken out and change my intention or something, I leaned to the side and said, "I just realized that could have sounded really, really inappropriate. [Nervous laugh.]"
"Ya," he laughed.
"I just meant you could raise Lulu. My mind doesn't think like that."
When the sacrament meeting was over, just to prove to him that I really am that stupid, I told him about the 2nd most stupid thing I can ever recall saying: ALSO in sacrament meeting, I turned to a family sitting beside me and asked, "What dialect of Chinese are you speaking?" There was an awkward pause before she finally said, "We're Korean."
I SWEAR I KNEW THAT. I forgot. And yes, they even look Korean.
As far as my 1st most stupid utterance goes, I was never even into teenage boys when I WAS a teenager. That hasn't changed. My first boyfriend was at age 14 and he was 19. The age gap has just gone up from there. I like MEN. Have never liked boys.
And if I was going to come on to a teenage boy, I wouldn't do it in sacrament meeting with other people behind me. I'd accost him after Young Men's group was done on Wednesday night. Duh.
